My husband announced that he thinks we should become the kind of people who stir things up, start a little trouble. When I asked to clarify, he reminded me of this story....
A few years back we were shopping for new mattresses. We are ALWAYS shopping for new mattresses because it seems after a few months every mattress kills Andy's back. Drama queen.
So we went into a store and casually stepped into a conversation a sales guy was having with another couple shopping mattresses. He wasn't really saying anything educational or groundmoving, I was only half paying attention because I was pretty sure this guy did not have a PhD in Mattresses. He seemed to know about the same things I already knew about them.
Until Andy mentioned individual coil spring mattresses.
This guy must be an actor. And I mean, like, a really good one. He maneuvered his face into this look of shock, terror, and wide-eyed fear. I think he even began shaking a little. And then he lowered his voice, leaned in toward us, and said the following with a completely. straight. face.:
"Those mattresses explode."
Stop right there. This is where our reaction disappoints both Andy and I terribly. We would never openly embarass anyone in public, no matter how ridiculous they sound, and even if they are quasi-belittling us (like the Verizon guy, but that's for another day). Now, we'll laugh our asses off about you for years to come; you will never be forgotten should you utter something ridiculous in our presence. But we will never make you feel like a dipshit for being an idiot. To your face.
So from this point, where all we did was nod in earnest and "tsk tsk" and "oh my" and maybe a "that's madness", Andy identifies a huge failure and flaw in both our personalities.
Because within 5 minutes we were out the door and not holding back.
Oh, so these mattresses are made by Al Qaeda. Ok, got it.
You must really think we are mental midgets if you think we believe the mattresses explode. I'll buy a spring will bust up here and there, but explode? Admit it, man, I look that stupid to you. Say it.
So what you're saying to me is these matresses spontanously combust? Makes sense.
You're really brave to be so honest about these dangerous mattresses, man. Thank you. And at the risk of losing your job too! I mean, you guys sell these hazards right here in this store. You're like a hero for steering us away from them, especially since I'm not wearing flame retardant clothing right now. Thank you.
All of those things and plenty more should have been stated directly to this guy, in front of the other couple. We could laugh and laugh and laugh and this guy couldn't walk around with his enormous "everyone's a sucker" ego and the world would be just right again. Because let's be honest, this guy represents some jackass that EVERYONE knows somewhere. These guys are everywhere, and we all feel too sorry for them to put a stop to their behavior and risk hurting their feelings. But they need to be stopped. Some of them grow out of their twenties and still have ego for no reason into their thirties. I know a guy just like this. And Andy and I could be those people who take them out, put an end to the ridiculous behavior and blind egomania and talking out of the ass without even hearing how ludicrous they sound.
If we could only be the people who stir shit up.
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