My husband announced that he thinks we should become the kind of people who stir things up, start a little trouble. When I asked to clarify, he reminded me of this story....
A few years back we were shopping for new mattresses. We are ALWAYS shopping for new mattresses because it seems after a few months every mattress kills Andy's back. Drama queen.
So we went into a store and casually stepped into a conversation a sales guy was having with another couple shopping mattresses. He wasn't really saying anything educational or groundmoving, I was only half paying attention because I was pretty sure this guy did not have a PhD in Mattresses. He seemed to know about the same things I already knew about them.
Until Andy mentioned individual coil spring mattresses.
This guy must be an actor. And I mean, like, a really good one. He maneuvered his face into this look of shock, terror, and wide-eyed fear. I think he even began shaking a little. And then he lowered his voice, leaned in toward us, and said the following with a completely. straight. face.:
"Those mattresses explode."
Stop right there. This is where our reaction disappoints both Andy and I terribly. We would never openly embarass anyone in public, no matter how ridiculous they sound, and even if they are quasi-belittling us (like the Verizon guy, but that's for another day). Now, we'll laugh our asses off about you for years to come; you will never be forgotten should you utter something ridiculous in our presence. But we will never make you feel like a dipshit for being an idiot. To your face.
So from this point, where all we did was nod in earnest and "tsk tsk" and "oh my" and maybe a "that's madness", Andy identifies a huge failure and flaw in both our personalities.
Because within 5 minutes we were out the door and not holding back.
Oh, so these mattresses are made by Al Qaeda. Ok, got it.
You must really think we are mental midgets if you think we believe the mattresses explode. I'll buy a spring will bust up here and there, but explode? Admit it, man, I look that stupid to you. Say it.
So what you're saying to me is these matresses spontanously combust? Makes sense.
You're really brave to be so honest about these dangerous mattresses, man. Thank you. And at the risk of losing your job too! I mean, you guys sell these hazards right here in this store. You're like a hero for steering us away from them, especially since I'm not wearing flame retardant clothing right now. Thank you.
All of those things and plenty more should have been stated directly to this guy, in front of the other couple. We could laugh and laugh and laugh and this guy couldn't walk around with his enormous "everyone's a sucker" ego and the world would be just right again. Because let's be honest, this guy represents some jackass that EVERYONE knows somewhere. These guys are everywhere, and we all feel too sorry for them to put a stop to their behavior and risk hurting their feelings. But they need to be stopped. Some of them grow out of their twenties and still have ego for no reason into their thirties. I know a guy just like this. And Andy and I could be those people who take them out, put an end to the ridiculous behavior and blind egomania and talking out of the ass without even hearing how ludicrous they sound.
If we could only be the people who stir shit up.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I wonder where my pants are...what's this on my finger?
Ever wonder how the toddler train of thought works? I do. Every day. Either it's totally normal for a person to transition through 17 priorities in the course of 3 minutes or my kids are gonna need a lot of meds one day.
Drew and Brady go nuts about 5pm. Seriously, it's the witching hour. From 5 until 7 I run back and forth between the kitchen, the den, the playroom, the bathroom, and upstairs. I just cannot keep the kids focused on any one task during this time. They want to color. They want a snack. They lost a sock. They want dinner. They want to play trains. They want to play flash cards. They want to dress up as superheros. They want to go potty. They keep hitting each other. Or pushing each other. Or screaming at each other.
I am such a task oriented person-- I start a task and finish it. Normally. But not anymore. Cooking dinner takes over 2 hours with all of this going on. I swear it makes my right eye pulse and throb out of its socket to be right in the middle of so many tasks and not follow through any one thing to the end.
I think this is my life for the next 18 or so years. I hope I get used to it. If not, I'm gonna need a padded room pretty soon.
Drew and Brady go nuts about 5pm. Seriously, it's the witching hour. From 5 until 7 I run back and forth between the kitchen, the den, the playroom, the bathroom, and upstairs. I just cannot keep the kids focused on any one task during this time. They want to color. They want a snack. They lost a sock. They want dinner. They want to play trains. They want to play flash cards. They want to dress up as superheros. They want to go potty. They keep hitting each other. Or pushing each other. Or screaming at each other.
I am such a task oriented person-- I start a task and finish it. Normally. But not anymore. Cooking dinner takes over 2 hours with all of this going on. I swear it makes my right eye pulse and throb out of its socket to be right in the middle of so many tasks and not follow through any one thing to the end.
I think this is my life for the next 18 or so years. I hope I get used to it. If not, I'm gonna need a padded room pretty soon.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Scientists are parents too
There are many topics that I keep my distance from, simply because so many things cause a lot of emotional response. But today I participated in a short conversation with a friend who is a scientist. She posted this article: http://www.bizjournals.com/atlanta/blog/a-healthy-conversation/2013/05/emory-site-of-largest-autism-clinical.html and a couple of her friends who are also scientists were overwelmed by the responses from readers just in the first 7 or 8 comments.
They shared their frustrations at the vast expanse between scientific communication and parents with strong opinions. I have a few thoughts on this topic, but I refuse to expand into data and statistics. My reactions are purely human.
1) The subject of Autism and its causes is obviously an emotional topic for parents. From what I can see every time I read comments within articles, some people have extremely strong opinions. What I do not know is the source of their opinions. But people have a right to be emotional because it either is or could one day be their children who are affected by ASD. (Autism Spectrum Disorder)
2) I believe there are many people out there who are strongly opinionated but have no idea how to back up their opinions. These people are the ones I believe to be led by panic pushers. I find that there are many people who will somehow put all credit into an anonymous source on the Internet who seems to be better educated than they themselves on the topic and if they somehow relate to that source, they stop reading there. They do not work to further educate themselves through other resources. They believe everything they read at this one point and do no due diligence to identify other sources and validate the work. I believe these tend to be less educated people. And I believe they will always be out there, some more outspoken than others, hiding behind their crowned king of the topic at hand.
3) I believe there are some people out there who believe something based on personal experiences, such as the parents who truly are out there whose children were diagnosed with ASD after some apparent developmental regression. Many of these parents are pointing fingers at vaccinations. Some of them even have doctors who are pointing the same direction. I cannot relate to these parents as I have not had their experiences, and I cannot sit here and say that I myself would not react the same way.
4) I believe there are other parents out there who are scared, who are fighting against giving in to the panic caused by all the ASD related media out there. Parents who may know someone whose child was diagnosed after a regression like in #3. Parents who are trying to win a psychological war between emotion and reason. Parents who want to listen to the studies out there, who want more answers to all the questions, but who are very close to losing against the panic. Can't say I blame them.
5) I believe that there are a lot of greedy people in this world who will do anything for money. I believe there are people who put dangerous products on the market and successfully bypass the protective agencies in place with slick talk and quick lawyers and a lot of money. I believe there are also people out there who make their own money off of the panic they instill by bringing such possibilities to light. If you want to blog about the vaccine companies covering up study results to continue making billions of dollars off the vaccines regardless of harm they may do, then do it for free. Don't write a book about it and sell it for profit, like Dr. Bob Sears is doing. He is generating just enough panic in his blog to entice people to buy his book for more insight. But there are no answers in his book, just as there are no answers in the studies conducted to date about a link between ASD and vaccinations.
6) I believe that there are some people who do what they do for a living out of passion, not for money. I know this to be true in the science world very often. How many people do you know who would dedicate their entire lives to something knowing they may never actually uncover the truth? They do this because they are filled with curiosity and a passion for learning. I simply refuse to believe that a vaccine company could put together an enormous study, participated in by thousands of scientists, and every single one of those scientists would roll over and cover up incriminating data for money. To suggest such a thing would demean every single one amongst them who is a parent, would suggest that they care more about money than the safety of their own children.
7) I believe that in almost any scenario, covering almost any topic, there is a very ugly devil in the center of the controversy pinning all of these agents against each other, sparking little fires everywhere and leaving us to fan the flames however we so choose. That devil is the media. The media puts all of these topics in the limelight, uncovers everything dirty to steal credibility from every entity involved somehow, and no matter how many gaps there are, the rest of us are left to form our own opinions, or conspiracy theories as it were. And that is how wars are started. The media is responsible for the great divide between the scientific community and the concerned citizens.
So for today, I would like to be first, a parent who loves her three babies more than anything in the world and will continue to do anything in my power to protect them. Second, an open-minded level-headed intellectual capable of maintaining reason and rationale. Third, a patient watcher of the scientific community to open new doors and find new answers. I believe there are scientists--geneticists, who are looking for answers. I believe there are scientists--physicians, who are looking for a cure. I believe there are scientists-- behavioralists, who are looking for the right treatments and therapies until the former are successful.
And I know that many of those scientists are parents, too.
They shared their frustrations at the vast expanse between scientific communication and parents with strong opinions. I have a few thoughts on this topic, but I refuse to expand into data and statistics. My reactions are purely human.
1) The subject of Autism and its causes is obviously an emotional topic for parents. From what I can see every time I read comments within articles, some people have extremely strong opinions. What I do not know is the source of their opinions. But people have a right to be emotional because it either is or could one day be their children who are affected by ASD. (Autism Spectrum Disorder)
2) I believe there are many people out there who are strongly opinionated but have no idea how to back up their opinions. These people are the ones I believe to be led by panic pushers. I find that there are many people who will somehow put all credit into an anonymous source on the Internet who seems to be better educated than they themselves on the topic and if they somehow relate to that source, they stop reading there. They do not work to further educate themselves through other resources. They believe everything they read at this one point and do no due diligence to identify other sources and validate the work. I believe these tend to be less educated people. And I believe they will always be out there, some more outspoken than others, hiding behind their crowned king of the topic at hand.
3) I believe there are some people out there who believe something based on personal experiences, such as the parents who truly are out there whose children were diagnosed with ASD after some apparent developmental regression. Many of these parents are pointing fingers at vaccinations. Some of them even have doctors who are pointing the same direction. I cannot relate to these parents as I have not had their experiences, and I cannot sit here and say that I myself would not react the same way.
4) I believe there are other parents out there who are scared, who are fighting against giving in to the panic caused by all the ASD related media out there. Parents who may know someone whose child was diagnosed after a regression like in #3. Parents who are trying to win a psychological war between emotion and reason. Parents who want to listen to the studies out there, who want more answers to all the questions, but who are very close to losing against the panic. Can't say I blame them.
5) I believe that there are a lot of greedy people in this world who will do anything for money. I believe there are people who put dangerous products on the market and successfully bypass the protective agencies in place with slick talk and quick lawyers and a lot of money. I believe there are also people out there who make their own money off of the panic they instill by bringing such possibilities to light. If you want to blog about the vaccine companies covering up study results to continue making billions of dollars off the vaccines regardless of harm they may do, then do it for free. Don't write a book about it and sell it for profit, like Dr. Bob Sears is doing. He is generating just enough panic in his blog to entice people to buy his book for more insight. But there are no answers in his book, just as there are no answers in the studies conducted to date about a link between ASD and vaccinations.
6) I believe that there are some people who do what they do for a living out of passion, not for money. I know this to be true in the science world very often. How many people do you know who would dedicate their entire lives to something knowing they may never actually uncover the truth? They do this because they are filled with curiosity and a passion for learning. I simply refuse to believe that a vaccine company could put together an enormous study, participated in by thousands of scientists, and every single one of those scientists would roll over and cover up incriminating data for money. To suggest such a thing would demean every single one amongst them who is a parent, would suggest that they care more about money than the safety of their own children.
7) I believe that in almost any scenario, covering almost any topic, there is a very ugly devil in the center of the controversy pinning all of these agents against each other, sparking little fires everywhere and leaving us to fan the flames however we so choose. That devil is the media. The media puts all of these topics in the limelight, uncovers everything dirty to steal credibility from every entity involved somehow, and no matter how many gaps there are, the rest of us are left to form our own opinions, or conspiracy theories as it were. And that is how wars are started. The media is responsible for the great divide between the scientific community and the concerned citizens.
So for today, I would like to be first, a parent who loves her three babies more than anything in the world and will continue to do anything in my power to protect them. Second, an open-minded level-headed intellectual capable of maintaining reason and rationale. Third, a patient watcher of the scientific community to open new doors and find new answers. I believe there are scientists--geneticists, who are looking for answers. I believe there are scientists--physicians, who are looking for a cure. I believe there are scientists-- behavioralists, who are looking for the right treatments and therapies until the former are successful.
And I know that many of those scientists are parents, too.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
May the force be with Brady
Andy took the kids to this tiny little traveling circus on Monday night. We've been before--it's just one family of probably 10 folks. They do a little acrobatics, parade around a monkey and some dancing poodles, juggle flaming stuff, and sell coloring books for prizes every 10 minutes or so. But they're not creepy, and the kids love it, so we go.
As has been our habit, we allow the children to pick out one toy. They always choose the flashing blinking florescent light seizure inducing scepter/light saber. The best and worst use of $10 we will ever spend repeatedly. Best because the things are simply an incredible sight for 2 and 3 year old eyes to behold. Worst because one will always break on day 2.
Yesterday was Brady and Mommy day (and Poppy but she doesn't play much yet). As I expected, every time I turned around Brady handed me a light saber and said "Come get me!" and ran off. We dueled all day long. I promised myself I would make better use of these days with Brady before Poppy got too big and hogged more attention. I made myself put down the dishes and the laundry and the broom and duel with Brady for most of the day.
And it was so fun! There truly is very little more entertaining than a 2 year old. They really know how to put on a show. I have a video of me striking Brady's saber with mine, and Brady slowly and without much drama crumples to the ground, slain. I somehow cannot post it, but here are a couple pictures of the duel.
As has been our habit, we allow the children to pick out one toy. They always choose the flashing blinking florescent light seizure inducing scepter/light saber. The best and worst use of $10 we will ever spend repeatedly. Best because the things are simply an incredible sight for 2 and 3 year old eyes to behold. Worst because one will always break on day 2.
Yesterday was Brady and Mommy day (and Poppy but she doesn't play much yet). As I expected, every time I turned around Brady handed me a light saber and said "Come get me!" and ran off. We dueled all day long. I promised myself I would make better use of these days with Brady before Poppy got too big and hogged more attention. I made myself put down the dishes and the laundry and the broom and duel with Brady for most of the day.
And it was so fun! There truly is very little more entertaining than a 2 year old. They really know how to put on a show. I have a video of me striking Brady's saber with mine, and Brady slowly and without much drama crumples to the ground, slain. I somehow cannot post it, but here are a couple pictures of the duel.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Parenting's got nothing on pet ownership.....
Holy crap.
The thing that has always been in the back of my mind as a pet owner finally happened. You hear about it in the news, you judge the animals and their owners, or you sympathize, there is no middle ground.
My lab Sonny bit the garbage man this morning. I saw it. I heard him barking and went out the back door just in time to see him go after the poor guy.
We have Invisible Fencing. Sonny did not train well with it, because he refused to leave the front porch for the first several weeks we had it. The beeping sound the collar made if he went near the line was more than enough, he never actually cooperated with us on the shock training day. After witnessing in horror as Cooper ran across the line and freak out as he got zapped, Sonny turned around and sprinted full speed back onto the front porch.
So for the last few years Sonny and Cooper have done well in the yard. They bark at the big trucks, of course. UPS, FedEx, Garbage, Streetsweeper, you name it. If it isn't a passenger vehicle they will bark their fool heads off until the truck is out of sight.
BUT, they are very friendly. The UPS guy and the Mail man love them. They pet them and play with them. I have had Cooper (who is a Boxer) for 10 years, since he was 6 weeks old, and he has never bitten anyone. But he has always barked at trucks. I have had Sonny for 6 years, since he was a year old, same story. They have never bitten anyone. Until. freaking. now.
So last week Mr. Corbin from Animal Control visited me and told me the garbage crew emailed him and said the dogs were "too close for comfort". That is a far cry from "nipping at their legs". I told Mr. Corbin they probably just aren't aware the invisible fence is there and he was happy with that logic and said he would email them to let them know. So this morning when I ran to get Sonny and the garbage men told me this was not the first incident I was extremely upset. Had I known Sonny had done this last week I would have known there was a problem with the fence and could have fixed it to prevent this.
The guy who was actually bitten was very nice and reassured me over and over that he was not hurt, Sonny got his pants and grazed his leg, no skin was broken and it was not painful. But this does nothing to reassure me that my dog is not on some level aggressive. I am concerned by it, because now I feel like I cannot trust him to not do it again with or without an issue with the underground fencing.
So I guess I'll figure out a way to come up with a few thousand dollars to install a real fence.
Damn dog.
The thing that has always been in the back of my mind as a pet owner finally happened. You hear about it in the news, you judge the animals and their owners, or you sympathize, there is no middle ground.
My lab Sonny bit the garbage man this morning. I saw it. I heard him barking and went out the back door just in time to see him go after the poor guy.
We have Invisible Fencing. Sonny did not train well with it, because he refused to leave the front porch for the first several weeks we had it. The beeping sound the collar made if he went near the line was more than enough, he never actually cooperated with us on the shock training day. After witnessing in horror as Cooper ran across the line and freak out as he got zapped, Sonny turned around and sprinted full speed back onto the front porch.
So for the last few years Sonny and Cooper have done well in the yard. They bark at the big trucks, of course. UPS, FedEx, Garbage, Streetsweeper, you name it. If it isn't a passenger vehicle they will bark their fool heads off until the truck is out of sight.
BUT, they are very friendly. The UPS guy and the Mail man love them. They pet them and play with them. I have had Cooper (who is a Boxer) for 10 years, since he was 6 weeks old, and he has never bitten anyone. But he has always barked at trucks. I have had Sonny for 6 years, since he was a year old, same story. They have never bitten anyone. Until. freaking. now.
So last week Mr. Corbin from Animal Control visited me and told me the garbage crew emailed him and said the dogs were "too close for comfort". That is a far cry from "nipping at their legs". I told Mr. Corbin they probably just aren't aware the invisible fence is there and he was happy with that logic and said he would email them to let them know. So this morning when I ran to get Sonny and the garbage men told me this was not the first incident I was extremely upset. Had I known Sonny had done this last week I would have known there was a problem with the fence and could have fixed it to prevent this.
The guy who was actually bitten was very nice and reassured me over and over that he was not hurt, Sonny got his pants and grazed his leg, no skin was broken and it was not painful. But this does nothing to reassure me that my dog is not on some level aggressive. I am concerned by it, because now I feel like I cannot trust him to not do it again with or without an issue with the underground fencing.
So I guess I'll figure out a way to come up with a few thousand dollars to install a real fence.
Damn dog.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Proudest Moments: getting a little sappy here.
I don't remember it, but I was probably pretty proud of myself when I stopped pooping my diaper and opted instead to use the john. I live for the day when my boys can share that particular joy.
I was pretty proud of myself when I read for the first time. I recall I was really young, and Mom was over the top excited. But Mom read to us CONSTANTLY and really promoted an interest in learning and a passion for reading. I give her that credit, but I still credit the pooping thing to myself, born solely from the desire to no longer invite a stench everywhere I went.
The truth is there are a lot of milestones I credit to my mom. She's the best. And I like to think that there are and will be some milestones that I have a hand in during my kids early years.
And then I know there are others that will happen with or without my encouragement or teaching.
Last night was a zinger.
Drew started kinder teeball last night. He is 3, and we play teeball a little bit at home, have since before he turned 2. But mostly inside, never any opportunity to throw far or hit hard or run fast.
Last night was the first time Drew played on a team of his peers, on a real field. He swung hard at the ball and had to fight the instinct to run the bases (it was a batting drill). Then he lobbed the ball to coaches, at buckets, switching from left hand to right hand, barely able to contain his excitement, his dad having to hold his arm back so he would not throw the ball while the coaches were talking. During batting drills when he was infield, he ran to every single ball his teammates hit and ran it into home. Every. Single. Ball. Other 3 year olds tried, and still others stood around looking at birds and kicking dirt, like you would expect 3 year olds to do. But Drew ran for that ball every time and ran it in, like it was his instinct.
Kid's a natural. Of all my proud moments from childhood, my post-secondary education, my community work and professional awards, and even having my kids, last night beat them all. It was Drew's milestone, he did it, Andy and I really had very little to do with it.'
This is by far the greatest feeling I could ever imagine.
I was pretty proud of myself when I read for the first time. I recall I was really young, and Mom was over the top excited. But Mom read to us CONSTANTLY and really promoted an interest in learning and a passion for reading. I give her that credit, but I still credit the pooping thing to myself, born solely from the desire to no longer invite a stench everywhere I went.
The truth is there are a lot of milestones I credit to my mom. She's the best. And I like to think that there are and will be some milestones that I have a hand in during my kids early years.
And then I know there are others that will happen with or without my encouragement or teaching.
Last night was a zinger.
Drew started kinder teeball last night. He is 3, and we play teeball a little bit at home, have since before he turned 2. But mostly inside, never any opportunity to throw far or hit hard or run fast.
Last night was the first time Drew played on a team of his peers, on a real field. He swung hard at the ball and had to fight the instinct to run the bases (it was a batting drill). Then he lobbed the ball to coaches, at buckets, switching from left hand to right hand, barely able to contain his excitement, his dad having to hold his arm back so he would not throw the ball while the coaches were talking. During batting drills when he was infield, he ran to every single ball his teammates hit and ran it into home. Every. Single. Ball. Other 3 year olds tried, and still others stood around looking at birds and kicking dirt, like you would expect 3 year olds to do. But Drew ran for that ball every time and ran it in, like it was his instinct.
Kid's a natural. Of all my proud moments from childhood, my post-secondary education, my community work and professional awards, and even having my kids, last night beat them all. It was Drew's milestone, he did it, Andy and I really had very little to do with it.'
This is by far the greatest feeling I could ever imagine.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Meet Andy
How is it possible to maintain your sanity in a household with 2 toddlers and an infant? Humor. And prayer. If I couldn't laugh about all the shenanigans under this roof, my brain would implode.
Enter Andy. Andy can make me laugh when I seriously do not have the desire to find any silver lining of any kind. When everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong, and the kids are all screaming and clawing down the walls. And it feels like my brain cannot take another assault of any kind without complete meltdown. This guy can make me explode in laughter with a simple facial expression.
He also happens to be an amazing dad, the kind they say is just designed and built for fatherhood. Mostly because he relates well to 2 and 3 year olds, but also because he just adores these kids with everything he has.Now, he still shoves his gigantic foot down his throat about once a week (read last weeks post "Well, bless his heart") but find me a wife who can say her hubby never does that and I'll find you a big fat liar.
Andy's pretty ok. I guess I'll keep him around.
The ultimate payback
My kids LOVE candy, cake, soda, chips--all the things we do not keep stocked here. Oh but never fear, rugrats. Your grandparents are all stocked up and will begin shoving that crap down your gullet through a funnel the instant we hit their threshold.
Oh and what's worse is the kids know they will get the goodies with or without good behavior because everyone knows about grandfolks and their whole "getting back at the kids for being effers" agenda. Let's just say I'm paying dearly for this one, because my husband was a wild kid. He says he was good, but I've seen pictures. And I'm pretty sure a 2 year old pantsless Andy running wildly through the house, mouth agape in a shriek, Mac'n'Cheese box in one hand, giant wooden spoon in another, is indicative of a real laid back kid.
The lesson here: Choose your spouse wisely. If you plan to have kids, just know that your in-laws will make you suffer for your spouse's childhood transgressions via getting your kids all jacked up on complex sugars and immediately sending them back home with you. At 8pm on a Sunday night.
Happy freakin Mother's Day to me.
Oh and what's worse is the kids know they will get the goodies with or without good behavior because everyone knows about grandfolks and their whole "getting back at the kids for being effers" agenda. Let's just say I'm paying dearly for this one, because my husband was a wild kid. He says he was good, but I've seen pictures. And I'm pretty sure a 2 year old pantsless Andy running wildly through the house, mouth agape in a shriek, Mac'n'Cheese box in one hand, giant wooden spoon in another, is indicative of a real laid back kid.
The lesson here: Choose your spouse wisely. If you plan to have kids, just know that your in-laws will make you suffer for your spouse's childhood transgressions via getting your kids all jacked up on complex sugars and immediately sending them back home with you. At 8pm on a Sunday night.
Happy freakin Mother's Day to me.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Is it just me, or are people not hungry enough?
We all know what it is like to live in the US right now. Probably more of us than I care to accept have lost jobs or changed jobs, etc in the last 5 years. We hear every day how horrendous the unemployment rate is, how nobody can get a job, how all of the people currently receiving aid of any form really truly need it.
I call bullshit on that.
First of all, I live in a very small town and there are always plenty of 'now hiring' posts around. Maybe they aren't somewhere people want to work, but right now we don't necessarily have the luxury of choosing. If you have bills to pay and mouths to feed, you are not too good to work at a gas station or a fast food place or at Wal-Mart.
Having said that, I have had my own experiences with people who do have jobs but just don't seem hungry enough to do their jobs well or to complete the work and guarantee themselves future work. Here are some examples:
August 2009: Plumber hired to make some repairs to our sewer pump and lines in the downstairs bath. Discussed further updates needed in other 2 bathrooms for future work. Plumber not only did not make the correct repairs but charged us double his quote (hubby paid with no questions asked, leaving me to fume and swear at the wall later when I found out). So of course we never hired him for the other work.
November 2009: Yard crew called to quote enormous clean up job on our property. Removal of 20-30 bushes, replanting of several immature dogwoods and crape myrtles, raking, etc. We had just bought the house that summer and the yard was a disaster. Crew came and did about half the work, charged double the quote (again, hubby paid no questions asked and when I found out my brain imploded and I died. The person posting this is my ghost, back for revenge). Oh yeah, and the emmeffer stole 2 baby dogwoods and did not replant anything. Obviously, we did not call him back. And he should be looking to do a good job to take on monthly maintenance customers. Unless he's not that hungry.
December 2009: carpenters and painters hired to work in my home did a shitty job and then never showed up to finish the work after Day 3. We apparently hurt their feelings when we asked them not to use our dining set as a step ladder and asked them to clean the white paint they spilled on those green chairs. We even dragged our ladder in from the garage for them to use instead of our chairs. Hurt their poor wittle feewings so they never came back. Asshats.
December 2009: flooring professional called for quote to install hardwood floors on 2800 square feet. Came to measure and discuss flooring options, never sent quote, never heard from him again. To this day I'm a little worried he may have been hit by a bus or fallen into a volcano, because in 2009 not too many people were hiring for work like that. So surely he must be dead if he didn't need the work, right?
I took a break from hiring anyone to work on the house because Drew was born, and ain't nobody got time for that with a newborn.
May 2010: Bee Keeper called to remove 50,000 bees from the walls and attic. The effin bees are his to begin with. That turdsicle lives around the corner from us and his property backs up to ours. He keeps his frackin bees in the woods near our property, and they keep returning. He was to remove all the bees for free because he was taking them back to his property. He charged us, we paid, and the effers showed back up a year later. He returned to remove them, did not charge us this time (I dare him to try) but then saw us at a festival a week later and charged us $5 for a little jar of honey. I'm not crying over $5, but I really feel like I earned a freebie there for the headache he caused us. Still see those damn bees from time to time. I'm gonna go blow up his hives if they ever show up again. (slightly unstable? You betcha.)
July 2012: Stopped by the bank who has our mortgage to request a refinance quote. Was told both mortgage bankers were on vacation the same week. BOTH MORTGAGE BANKERS WERE ON VACATION THE SAME WEEK. Are you nuts? That would never have happened at the bank I worked for. So I left a message asking for a call on the quote. Never heard from them. Tried again in August, no returned call again. In September I called the manager of that branch, whom I knew professionally AND she had done my home equity line. I left her 2 messages in September and still NEVER HEARD BACK FROM HER. How do these people even afford to take vacations when they ignore commission opportunities?
August 2012: Four window companies called to quote on replacement of 19 windows. Two bothered to call back and come quote us. A third wouldn't even make the drive from Cary, said the job was too big for his crew, but his website shows pictures of these enormous estates whose windows they allegedly replaced. We do NOT live in an enormous estate. Our home is a decent size, yes, but not abnormally large. My guess is this guy is just lazy. The fourth never returned our initial call. Must have been so busy with all the people replacing windows right now. All the unemployed people. Riiiiight.
October 2012: Emailed the bank my mortgage was with and let them know about the lack of communication in my 4 attempts to refinance my mortgage. Heard back two days later and reassured it would not happen again. Womp wommpp. Too late effers! Not giving you a 5th chance! Why? Because I'm not a sucker!
January 2013: called 5 contractors--yes 5! to quote a deck rebuild. One guy told me he won't do it because due to the permit process in my town it's not worth the gas for all the trips he would have to make. I offered to pay for all that in the job, he still didn't take the job. NOT HUNGRY I GUESS. Only one guy came out.
March 2013: Called 3 tree removal services for quotes on removing 5 trees next to my deck. 2 came out to estimate. One guy was supposed to leave a written quote in my mailbox later that week and never did. One guy came out and quoted me on the spot, and he will get the job. The third called me back and left a message but I never was able to get him out here.
Today: Got an email from my mortgage lender working on the refinance. This entire process I have had to chase her down for updates and information. I did not hear from her for a month and two days ago she told me she needed something from me by today otherwise we miss a compliance deadline and have to start all over. We have been doing this since October, and on 4 occasions I have had to send her a stiff message to please respond to my communications, all met with bullshit excuses and whining about some health problems her boyfriend is having and wah wah wah cry me a frickin river down the unprofessional canyon, lady. So today she awakened the beast. Or the bitch. Whatever is most appropriate for my current crazed state of mind. It's pretty scary though. So scary that after I emailed her to let her know exactly what I thought of her compliance deadline, I called my husband and told him from here on out he needed to deal with her.
Having said all that, I am very fortunate that we found the contractor we use now. We needed a repair to some rotting trim on the outside of the sunroom to satisfy our lending company for the refinance. This guy came out and quoted us, did an excellent job and charged us precisely what he said he would. So we immediately hired him for a multitude of small jobs in the house (including the work those carpenters and painters left undone 3 years ago--now my eyeball doesn't pulse and throb out of it's socket every time I climb the stairs or sit in the den, where the unfinished work was at it's worst.) Mr. Williams was the first guy we have ever hired in this town who came out on schedule, worked all day with just a 30 minute lunch break, did great work he took pride in, and exceeded all of my expectations. In one short week he transformed my home. I am now waiting to close the refinance so that he can rebuild my deck and install new windows and siding. I have tons of work for him, and plan to use him until he gets hit by a bus or falls into a volcano. I'm freakin giddy over this guy. He's totally getting a Christmas gift from me. I need to ask his birthday too. And see what he and his wife are doing at Thanksgiving.
But, to close up the whole purpose of this post, consider this my 'Now Hiring' post for the Town of Smithfield, NC. My community needs lots of good workers who are willing to actually work to the completion of the job and satisfaction of the people who need them. Below is a list of the kind of good people this town needs. If you are truly hungry and want to work, and are qualified to do any of this stuff, I suggest you make yourself known. In most cases, the competition sucks so you won't go hungry here!
Painters
Plumbers
Carpenters
Deck builders
Window installers
Flooring installers
General Contractors: but you will be up against Mr. Williams, good luck to ya. He's tough competition!
Bankers
Mortgage Lenders
Landscape crews
Beekeepers: but if you plan to keep bees you better live far from me
Oh, and the (un)professional who is responsible for us needing to hire all these people in the first place: Home Inspectors!!!!
I call bullshit on that.
First of all, I live in a very small town and there are always plenty of 'now hiring' posts around. Maybe they aren't somewhere people want to work, but right now we don't necessarily have the luxury of choosing. If you have bills to pay and mouths to feed, you are not too good to work at a gas station or a fast food place or at Wal-Mart.
Having said that, I have had my own experiences with people who do have jobs but just don't seem hungry enough to do their jobs well or to complete the work and guarantee themselves future work. Here are some examples:
August 2009: Plumber hired to make some repairs to our sewer pump and lines in the downstairs bath. Discussed further updates needed in other 2 bathrooms for future work. Plumber not only did not make the correct repairs but charged us double his quote (hubby paid with no questions asked, leaving me to fume and swear at the wall later when I found out). So of course we never hired him for the other work.
November 2009: Yard crew called to quote enormous clean up job on our property. Removal of 20-30 bushes, replanting of several immature dogwoods and crape myrtles, raking, etc. We had just bought the house that summer and the yard was a disaster. Crew came and did about half the work, charged double the quote (again, hubby paid no questions asked and when I found out my brain imploded and I died. The person posting this is my ghost, back for revenge). Oh yeah, and the emmeffer stole 2 baby dogwoods and did not replant anything. Obviously, we did not call him back. And he should be looking to do a good job to take on monthly maintenance customers. Unless he's not that hungry.
December 2009: carpenters and painters hired to work in my home did a shitty job and then never showed up to finish the work after Day 3. We apparently hurt their feelings when we asked them not to use our dining set as a step ladder and asked them to clean the white paint they spilled on those green chairs. We even dragged our ladder in from the garage for them to use instead of our chairs. Hurt their poor wittle feewings so they never came back. Asshats.
December 2009: flooring professional called for quote to install hardwood floors on 2800 square feet. Came to measure and discuss flooring options, never sent quote, never heard from him again. To this day I'm a little worried he may have been hit by a bus or fallen into a volcano, because in 2009 not too many people were hiring for work like that. So surely he must be dead if he didn't need the work, right?
I took a break from hiring anyone to work on the house because Drew was born, and ain't nobody got time for that with a newborn.
May 2010: Bee Keeper called to remove 50,000 bees from the walls and attic. The effin bees are his to begin with. That turdsicle lives around the corner from us and his property backs up to ours. He keeps his frackin bees in the woods near our property, and they keep returning. He was to remove all the bees for free because he was taking them back to his property. He charged us, we paid, and the effers showed back up a year later. He returned to remove them, did not charge us this time (I dare him to try) but then saw us at a festival a week later and charged us $5 for a little jar of honey. I'm not crying over $5, but I really feel like I earned a freebie there for the headache he caused us. Still see those damn bees from time to time. I'm gonna go blow up his hives if they ever show up again. (slightly unstable? You betcha.)
July 2012: Stopped by the bank who has our mortgage to request a refinance quote. Was told both mortgage bankers were on vacation the same week. BOTH MORTGAGE BANKERS WERE ON VACATION THE SAME WEEK. Are you nuts? That would never have happened at the bank I worked for. So I left a message asking for a call on the quote. Never heard from them. Tried again in August, no returned call again. In September I called the manager of that branch, whom I knew professionally AND she had done my home equity line. I left her 2 messages in September and still NEVER HEARD BACK FROM HER. How do these people even afford to take vacations when they ignore commission opportunities?
August 2012: Four window companies called to quote on replacement of 19 windows. Two bothered to call back and come quote us. A third wouldn't even make the drive from Cary, said the job was too big for his crew, but his website shows pictures of these enormous estates whose windows they allegedly replaced. We do NOT live in an enormous estate. Our home is a decent size, yes, but not abnormally large. My guess is this guy is just lazy. The fourth never returned our initial call. Must have been so busy with all the people replacing windows right now. All the unemployed people. Riiiiight.
October 2012: Emailed the bank my mortgage was with and let them know about the lack of communication in my 4 attempts to refinance my mortgage. Heard back two days later and reassured it would not happen again. Womp wommpp. Too late effers! Not giving you a 5th chance! Why? Because I'm not a sucker!
January 2013: called 5 contractors--yes 5! to quote a deck rebuild. One guy told me he won't do it because due to the permit process in my town it's not worth the gas for all the trips he would have to make. I offered to pay for all that in the job, he still didn't take the job. NOT HUNGRY I GUESS. Only one guy came out.
March 2013: Called 3 tree removal services for quotes on removing 5 trees next to my deck. 2 came out to estimate. One guy was supposed to leave a written quote in my mailbox later that week and never did. One guy came out and quoted me on the spot, and he will get the job. The third called me back and left a message but I never was able to get him out here.
Today: Got an email from my mortgage lender working on the refinance. This entire process I have had to chase her down for updates and information. I did not hear from her for a month and two days ago she told me she needed something from me by today otherwise we miss a compliance deadline and have to start all over. We have been doing this since October, and on 4 occasions I have had to send her a stiff message to please respond to my communications, all met with bullshit excuses and whining about some health problems her boyfriend is having and wah wah wah cry me a frickin river down the unprofessional canyon, lady. So today she awakened the beast. Or the bitch. Whatever is most appropriate for my current crazed state of mind. It's pretty scary though. So scary that after I emailed her to let her know exactly what I thought of her compliance deadline, I called my husband and told him from here on out he needed to deal with her.
Having said all that, I am very fortunate that we found the contractor we use now. We needed a repair to some rotting trim on the outside of the sunroom to satisfy our lending company for the refinance. This guy came out and quoted us, did an excellent job and charged us precisely what he said he would. So we immediately hired him for a multitude of small jobs in the house (including the work those carpenters and painters left undone 3 years ago--now my eyeball doesn't pulse and throb out of it's socket every time I climb the stairs or sit in the den, where the unfinished work was at it's worst.) Mr. Williams was the first guy we have ever hired in this town who came out on schedule, worked all day with just a 30 minute lunch break, did great work he took pride in, and exceeded all of my expectations. In one short week he transformed my home. I am now waiting to close the refinance so that he can rebuild my deck and install new windows and siding. I have tons of work for him, and plan to use him until he gets hit by a bus or falls into a volcano. I'm freakin giddy over this guy. He's totally getting a Christmas gift from me. I need to ask his birthday too. And see what he and his wife are doing at Thanksgiving.
But, to close up the whole purpose of this post, consider this my 'Now Hiring' post for the Town of Smithfield, NC. My community needs lots of good workers who are willing to actually work to the completion of the job and satisfaction of the people who need them. Below is a list of the kind of good people this town needs. If you are truly hungry and want to work, and are qualified to do any of this stuff, I suggest you make yourself known. In most cases, the competition sucks so you won't go hungry here!
Painters
Plumbers
Carpenters
Deck builders
Window installers
Flooring installers
General Contractors: but you will be up against Mr. Williams, good luck to ya. He's tough competition!
Bankers
Mortgage Lenders
Landscape crews
Beekeepers: but if you plan to keep bees you better live far from me
Oh, and the (un)professional who is responsible for us needing to hire all these people in the first place: Home Inspectors!!!!
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Words you've never heard with friends
Ok, it took me a while, but I finally tried playing Words With Friends last year. Huge Scrabble fan here (nerd alert), so it seemed a good fit.
Wrong.
I do not play Scrabble with a dictionary. I use the honor system. I won't check your words if you promise not to use random fake words just to make the most of your letters. It's a frackin game! Work with what ya got. And if I'm sitting down playing Scrabble with you, there's a good chance I know you well enough to find it odd if you bust out with a word like 'privity' when you typically just sputter out sentence fragments until someone nods. I'm kidding, I don't know anyone who has that much trouble communicating, but I think you follow me.
Call me a poor sport, but I hate that there are all these cheats out there that spit out words from letters you input. After playing Words With Friends several times, I noticed people were really grasping with all these fake words but the game accepts them. Out of curiosity, I googled some cheats and started inputting random letters and quickly learned there are many words generated that "do not have a definition, but it's still a Scrabble word!".
NO. It's not. If it does not have a definition, then it's not a real word. Ergo, it cannot be played in WORDS With Friends.
Just keepin it real folks.
This post was inspired by a move I just made in Words With Friends. I didn't use a letter generator, I just kept playing letters until the game accepted a word. The word is 'yaud' and it has no definition. I'm so ashamed.
Wrong.
I do not play Scrabble with a dictionary. I use the honor system. I won't check your words if you promise not to use random fake words just to make the most of your letters. It's a frackin game! Work with what ya got. And if I'm sitting down playing Scrabble with you, there's a good chance I know you well enough to find it odd if you bust out with a word like 'privity' when you typically just sputter out sentence fragments until someone nods. I'm kidding, I don't know anyone who has that much trouble communicating, but I think you follow me.
Call me a poor sport, but I hate that there are all these cheats out there that spit out words from letters you input. After playing Words With Friends several times, I noticed people were really grasping with all these fake words but the game accepts them. Out of curiosity, I googled some cheats and started inputting random letters and quickly learned there are many words generated that "do not have a definition, but it's still a Scrabble word!".
NO. It's not. If it does not have a definition, then it's not a real word. Ergo, it cannot be played in WORDS With Friends.
Just keepin it real folks.
This post was inspired by a move I just made in Words With Friends. I didn't use a letter generator, I just kept playing letters until the game accepted a word. The word is 'yaud' and it has no definition. I'm so ashamed.
Cah-ruhs, a Parent's Guide to Translating Toddler
Cah-ruhs: Brady's favorite movie. He especially loves the race-cah-ruhs and Tow Mater.
Baskeeball: the favored sport of both boys.
By my big boy: by myself. (ex. I want to put my shoes on by my big boy.)
I hold you Mommy: Please pick me up.
(Screaming): There are approximately 1,298 translations for screaming in this language. Perhaps your toddler is hungry, is not hungry, does not want to eat although he is hungry, would like to leave the table since he is not hungry, cannot find a toy, gave you a toy and wants it back, took away a toy and wishes to return it, dropped his toy and does not wish to exert himself by picking it up, does not like the particular toy he just picked up, struck himself on the head with a toy, struck his brother on the head with a toy, struck his mother on the head with a toy, struck his father on the head with a toy, fell down and bumped his head, laid down and purposely beat his head on the floor repeatedly, was pushed down by his brother, pushed his brother down, pushed his brother down and then threw himself down, is thirsty, is not thirsty, wants water, does not want water, wants milk, does not want milk, wants juice, does not want juice, wants a different sippy, wants the sippy you just gave him, wants to share his sippy with brother, wants brother to share his sippy, wants the sippy off the high chair tray, wants the sippy off the floor, wants to watch Cah-ruhs, does not want to get changed, does not want to get dressed, does not want to wear shoes, does want to wear shoes, does not want to wear socks, does want to wear socks, does not want to wear pants, is stuck.....
Baskeeball: the favored sport of both boys.
By my big boy: by myself. (ex. I want to put my shoes on by my big boy.)
I hold you Mommy: Please pick me up.
(Screaming): There are approximately 1,298 translations for screaming in this language. Perhaps your toddler is hungry, is not hungry, does not want to eat although he is hungry, would like to leave the table since he is not hungry, cannot find a toy, gave you a toy and wants it back, took away a toy and wishes to return it, dropped his toy and does not wish to exert himself by picking it up, does not like the particular toy he just picked up, struck himself on the head with a toy, struck his brother on the head with a toy, struck his mother on the head with a toy, struck his father on the head with a toy, fell down and bumped his head, laid down and purposely beat his head on the floor repeatedly, was pushed down by his brother, pushed his brother down, pushed his brother down and then threw himself down, is thirsty, is not thirsty, wants water, does not want water, wants milk, does not want milk, wants juice, does not want juice, wants a different sippy, wants the sippy you just gave him, wants to share his sippy with brother, wants brother to share his sippy, wants the sippy off the high chair tray, wants the sippy off the floor, wants to watch Cah-ruhs, does not want to get changed, does not want to get dressed, does not want to wear shoes, does want to wear shoes, does not want to wear socks, does want to wear socks, does not want to wear pants, is stuck.....
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
The Mommy Wars and their ridiculous content
Yesterday I was reading a really great review of a book about food rules and how to get your kids to eat.
Some creative soul really dug deep and turned up the statement that forcing your kids to eat what you make them is tyrannical. Tyrannical. Because this is how Napoleon Bonaparte raised his kids, right?
Some other poor souls whined about how their kids don't like anything healthy. Lady, I can totally relate to that.
Here's a thought: if they ever actually TASTE everything you give them, and you give them a lot of variety to try, they might actually find something they like besides crackers. Just ask me. I got this. I'm still struggling every day to get my kids to try things, but in two short months since I banished crackers and processed snacks from my pantry, they have already begun eating more of their meals in general.
Look. Nobody is suggesting we strap our kids onto a table and force-feed them Brussels Sprouts. Who actually eats that shit anyway? I'll tell you.One Two FOUR Five. FOUR Five out of every 550 people eats Brussels Sprouts. And I know this because I probably know that many people and only one two four Five of them eat those. Statistics at its finest, folks. (The population doubled after a friend read my blog post and informed me that he also eats them. Freak. But I feel compelled to keep the data as accurate as possible. Since I got all math-science-y and all.) (Another friend piped up that she and her hubs like them. I'm beginning to question my judgement in friends.) (Guess I know how I'll be spending my day.)
What people are suggesting is that we stop allowing our kids to make a choice between the TWO things they actually like, and instead offer them different things to figure out what else they might like.
Do they sometimes have a fit? Yes. They are toddlers. They have a fit over the fact that Dora is on instead of The Wonder Pets. It is their nature. And they have figured out where their fits are most effective, the manipulative little monsters. At mealtimes. Because obviously their fits are indicative of the fact that we are starving them.
So this is how I feel about the elusive solution to food struggles with toddlers. It's our fault, as parents. 100% on us. We are in control. We choose what we introduce to our kids, and we take the easy way out when we find something they like and depend upon it to avoid the drama that will ensue if we take it away.
Don't be scared of your tots, folks. They weigh like 32 lbs. Just what kind of pain are they capable of inflicting if you don't give them their crackers? Put on your big girl panties and get in there.
My mother cooked every meal. She could not afford to buy chips and cookies and processed food snacks. And she made us eat what she made, because she did not have the luxury of filling her pantry with items for a short-order cook. She also made us eat wholesome meals because she is a great mom, and cares more about the nutrients we put into our bodies than whether or not we would screech at her for the 879th time that day.
This morning I tried a new approach. I filled four plates with chopped fruits and bagels and lined them up like a buffet for the boys to choose their breakfast. Brady chose almost an entire banana and 3 strawberries and half a mini cinnamon raisin bagel. Drew chose the other half of the bagel, 5 strawberries, and after a little prompting, about 4 slices of banana. They both ate every bite on their plates.
I call that a win, folks. Well, first win of the day. And it's currently 9:25 am on the east coast.
Some creative soul really dug deep and turned up the statement that forcing your kids to eat what you make them is tyrannical. Tyrannical. Because this is how Napoleon Bonaparte raised his kids, right?
Some other poor souls whined about how their kids don't like anything healthy. Lady, I can totally relate to that.
Here's a thought: if they ever actually TASTE everything you give them, and you give them a lot of variety to try, they might actually find something they like besides crackers. Just ask me. I got this. I'm still struggling every day to get my kids to try things, but in two short months since I banished crackers and processed snacks from my pantry, they have already begun eating more of their meals in general.
Look. Nobody is suggesting we strap our kids onto a table and force-feed them Brussels Sprouts. Who actually eats that shit anyway? I'll tell you.
What people are suggesting is that we stop allowing our kids to make a choice between the TWO things they actually like, and instead offer them different things to figure out what else they might like.
Do they sometimes have a fit? Yes. They are toddlers. They have a fit over the fact that Dora is on instead of The Wonder Pets. It is their nature. And they have figured out where their fits are most effective, the manipulative little monsters. At mealtimes. Because obviously their fits are indicative of the fact that we are starving them.
So this is how I feel about the elusive solution to food struggles with toddlers. It's our fault, as parents. 100% on us. We are in control. We choose what we introduce to our kids, and we take the easy way out when we find something they like and depend upon it to avoid the drama that will ensue if we take it away.
Don't be scared of your tots, folks. They weigh like 32 lbs. Just what kind of pain are they capable of inflicting if you don't give them their crackers? Put on your big girl panties and get in there.
My mother cooked every meal. She could not afford to buy chips and cookies and processed food snacks. And she made us eat what she made, because she did not have the luxury of filling her pantry with items for a short-order cook. She also made us eat wholesome meals because she is a great mom, and cares more about the nutrients we put into our bodies than whether or not we would screech at her for the 879th time that day.
This morning I tried a new approach. I filled four plates with chopped fruits and bagels and lined them up like a buffet for the boys to choose their breakfast. Brady chose almost an entire banana and 3 strawberries and half a mini cinnamon raisin bagel. Drew chose the other half of the bagel, 5 strawberries, and after a little prompting, about 4 slices of banana. They both ate every bite on their plates.
I call that a win, folks. Well, first win of the day. And it's currently 9:25 am on the east coast.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
well, bless his heart.
Me: We really need lights back here. It's pitch black, you know what kind of riff raff goes back to the woods.
Andy: no we don't need lights back here.
Me: I'm the one who is here with the kids alone on nights when work calls you away. I would feel safer with lights. I'm getting them.
Andy: That's not your decision anymore.
That's not your decision anymore.
If you do not know me personally, I should probably tell you I can go from sweet Donna Reed to scarier than a pit of rattlesnakes in about 1 second over crap like that. That's not your decision anymore. And my husband really really knows it's bad when I refuse to speak to him, instead just stare at him when he speaks to me. (My look clearly reads 'why the eff are you talking to me unless you are trying to undo what you did moments ago? Have you lost your mind? Do you REALLY want me to open my mouth right now?').
I digress, as always. As for the question of my equality in this marriage, I'm pretty sure I earned a right as his equal when Poppy ripped my uterus to shreds, because that price was ultimately far greater than an effing floodlight for the backyard. Or maybe I had already earned that right from being cut open 2 times before that to give him his sons. And just maybe I bust my ass maintaining this household every day and that's what makes me his equal. He busts his ass from 9-5. Then he sits around here and plays with the children and then plays video games after they go to sleep, while I'm knee deep in laundry, dishes, and playroom clean-up, which is akin to post apocalyptic rebuilding.
Obviously my husband knows me very well and I think he even realized what he said after it came out. He tried to brush over it for a minute, then he tried to change the subject, and when I refused to play along and gave him the ice treatment he gave up altogether. I might have frightened him a little. I'm almost certain he regrets saying it, I'm just not certain he regrets it for the right reason.
We are still getting used to this whole 1 income household thing. And not just the budget, but our respective roles, responsibilities, and the weight we each carry for certain types of decisions.
Andy was the one who really pulled for us to do this. I definitely wanted to do it, but I was all for working about 6 months longer to bank more savings. Andy couldn't wait, so we did it when we did.
I left my job. I cut off the source of income that I earned. And I did it knowing that there would be times where I would feel a great deal of guilt for anything I spent, even if on necessities for the children.
But what I was also afraid of was that I would become a dependent in Andy's eyes, rather than an equal. It happens all the time, even the most pragmatic and fair spouses have a tendency to feel occasionally that the spouse who does not earn an income has less say in the finances.
So if you are considering making this change for your family, think it over a lot. Ask yourself, and respond honestly, whether you think the weight in financial decision making will be skewed if only one spouse is "earning". Because you are both earning, the stay home parent just isn't getting paid. Or getting breaks. Or lunch. Or sick leave. Or vacations. Oh, and, they live at the office. Oh and that commute? Yeah, at-homes don't get that alone time to transition from a work-to-home state of mind. But then I suppose we do not need it because we don't actually leave work.
Be sensitive about what you say, because demonstrating a belief that one person has more weight in the marriage than another is hurtful, and it shows you are not a team player or a partner.
I, for one, would never choose to live in a dictatorship (unless I was the dictator). Bless his heart, Andy's going to have a fine time digging himself out of this hole. After I go buy myself something pretty. You know, since the money is out of my control.
Andy: no we don't need lights back here.
Me: I'm the one who is here with the kids alone on nights when work calls you away. I would feel safer with lights. I'm getting them.
Andy: That's not your decision anymore.
That's not your decision anymore.
If you do not know me personally, I should probably tell you I can go from sweet Donna Reed to scarier than a pit of rattlesnakes in about 1 second over crap like that. That's not your decision anymore. And my husband really really knows it's bad when I refuse to speak to him, instead just stare at him when he speaks to me. (My look clearly reads 'why the eff are you talking to me unless you are trying to undo what you did moments ago? Have you lost your mind? Do you REALLY want me to open my mouth right now?').
I digress, as always. As for the question of my equality in this marriage, I'm pretty sure I earned a right as his equal when Poppy ripped my uterus to shreds, because that price was ultimately far greater than an effing floodlight for the backyard. Or maybe I had already earned that right from being cut open 2 times before that to give him his sons. And just maybe I bust my ass maintaining this household every day and that's what makes me his equal. He busts his ass from 9-5. Then he sits around here and plays with the children and then plays video games after they go to sleep, while I'm knee deep in laundry, dishes, and playroom clean-up, which is akin to post apocalyptic rebuilding.
Obviously my husband knows me very well and I think he even realized what he said after it came out. He tried to brush over it for a minute, then he tried to change the subject, and when I refused to play along and gave him the ice treatment he gave up altogether. I might have frightened him a little. I'm almost certain he regrets saying it, I'm just not certain he regrets it for the right reason.
We are still getting used to this whole 1 income household thing. And not just the budget, but our respective roles, responsibilities, and the weight we each carry for certain types of decisions.
Andy was the one who really pulled for us to do this. I definitely wanted to do it, but I was all for working about 6 months longer to bank more savings. Andy couldn't wait, so we did it when we did.
I left my job. I cut off the source of income that I earned. And I did it knowing that there would be times where I would feel a great deal of guilt for anything I spent, even if on necessities for the children.
But what I was also afraid of was that I would become a dependent in Andy's eyes, rather than an equal. It happens all the time, even the most pragmatic and fair spouses have a tendency to feel occasionally that the spouse who does not earn an income has less say in the finances.
So if you are considering making this change for your family, think it over a lot. Ask yourself, and respond honestly, whether you think the weight in financial decision making will be skewed if only one spouse is "earning". Because you are both earning, the stay home parent just isn't getting paid. Or getting breaks. Or lunch. Or sick leave. Or vacations. Oh, and, they live at the office. Oh and that commute? Yeah, at-homes don't get that alone time to transition from a work-to-home state of mind. But then I suppose we do not need it because we don't actually leave work.
Be sensitive about what you say, because demonstrating a belief that one person has more weight in the marriage than another is hurtful, and it shows you are not a team player or a partner.
I, for one, would never choose to live in a dictatorship (unless I was the dictator). Bless his heart, Andy's going to have a fine time digging himself out of this hole. After I go buy myself something pretty. You know, since the money is out of my control.
Monday, May 6, 2013
A fitting recognition for Mother's Day
I like surprises. Love them. I once orchestrated a surprise birthday getaway with a few friends in the form of blindfolding and kidnapping a very good friend so he couldn't see where we were taking him. I know, sounds felonious, but we blindfolded him after he got a good look at us, so he wasn't scared. At least, he wasn't terrified. And when we wound up in the bar where his close childhood buddy worked 3 hours drive later in Norfolk and then took him to a G Love and Special Sauce show on the water, followed by a trip to Busch Gardens, he was pretty pleased with the whole ordeal.
You see, I love being on the other end of the surprise, the planner. I wouldn't mind a birthday surprise, in fact I had one in graduate school and it was such a great feeling to know I had so many friends who loved me enough to pull it together.
What I would not have done well with is the surprise that comes with not knowing at what point your baby is going to decide it's time to fall out of your girly parts. (yeah, they fall out. we just make it seem much worse. snort.)
As luck (not the best word for my condition but I'll go with it) would have it, I had to be scheduled c-section with my babies, so I never experienced that. Now, in the last few weeks of my first 2 pregnancies I often found myself stricken with fear that my water would break any second and we wouldn't make it to the hospital in time and I would bleed to death. Sounds dramatic, I know, but there is a rational medical explanation about me to back up that fear.
Poppy, my third child, gave me a little taste of that 'surprise' element of pregnancy. She came 5 weeks early and practically did cause me to bleed to death before making it to the hospital.
Ok, so maybe I wasn't bleeding yet by the time I got there, but I could have been, and the anxiety this thought caused me and Andy was so. not. cool. Especially since our hospital was an hour down I-95.
I prefer to plan out and organize a timeline for certain things. I make lists, check things off as they occur or are accomplished, things happen at the proper time according to how I am prepared, and everyone is happy. I know, completely neurotic. Can't be helped.
When I had Drew and Brady, their birthdays were scheduled months in advance. All I had to do was show up at the hospital and check in like I had a reservation at the spa. Then I was whisked away to pre-op and by lunch time baby and mommy were happily installed in a room.
That's how I roll, it works for me, I simply don't function well with big deals not being planned and executed with the precision of a nuclear attack. And giving birth is kind of a big deal.
Having said all of that, (sorry, brevity is never a trait of folks with my neuroses) I tip my hat to all you mommies out there who do this the old fashioned way. Who manage to continue about their business right up until 40 or 41 weeks gestation, not fretting and pulling their hair out over the idea that their babies just might be born in a supermarket, or at work, or in the car.
You gals are amazing, I simply COULD NOT DO IT and maintain any shred of sanity and am forever thankful I was never put to the test. Happy Mother's Day mommies!
And a very very special Happy Mother's Day to Mandy, my oldest and dearest pal from college. The time I have spent on the phone with her today timing her contractions inspired this post. And now I shall spend the rest of my day staring at my phone waiting for her next call while nervously pulling my arm hairs out and ignoring the hungry cries of my own children.
Just kidding. I'll feed my kids.
Happy Birthday little noodle. Please come today so Mandy doesn't have her own little anxiety attack, and I'll see you in the morning.
You see, I love being on the other end of the surprise, the planner. I wouldn't mind a birthday surprise, in fact I had one in graduate school and it was such a great feeling to know I had so many friends who loved me enough to pull it together.
What I would not have done well with is the surprise that comes with not knowing at what point your baby is going to decide it's time to fall out of your girly parts. (yeah, they fall out. we just make it seem much worse. snort.)
As luck (not the best word for my condition but I'll go with it) would have it, I had to be scheduled c-section with my babies, so I never experienced that. Now, in the last few weeks of my first 2 pregnancies I often found myself stricken with fear that my water would break any second and we wouldn't make it to the hospital in time and I would bleed to death. Sounds dramatic, I know, but there is a rational medical explanation about me to back up that fear.
Poppy, my third child, gave me a little taste of that 'surprise' element of pregnancy. She came 5 weeks early and practically did cause me to bleed to death before making it to the hospital.
Ok, so maybe I wasn't bleeding yet by the time I got there, but I could have been, and the anxiety this thought caused me and Andy was so. not. cool. Especially since our hospital was an hour down I-95.
I prefer to plan out and organize a timeline for certain things. I make lists, check things off as they occur or are accomplished, things happen at the proper time according to how I am prepared, and everyone is happy. I know, completely neurotic. Can't be helped.
When I had Drew and Brady, their birthdays were scheduled months in advance. All I had to do was show up at the hospital and check in like I had a reservation at the spa. Then I was whisked away to pre-op and by lunch time baby and mommy were happily installed in a room.
That's how I roll, it works for me, I simply don't function well with big deals not being planned and executed with the precision of a nuclear attack. And giving birth is kind of a big deal.
Having said all of that, (sorry, brevity is never a trait of folks with my neuroses) I tip my hat to all you mommies out there who do this the old fashioned way. Who manage to continue about their business right up until 40 or 41 weeks gestation, not fretting and pulling their hair out over the idea that their babies just might be born in a supermarket, or at work, or in the car.
You gals are amazing, I simply COULD NOT DO IT and maintain any shred of sanity and am forever thankful I was never put to the test. Happy Mother's Day mommies!
And a very very special Happy Mother's Day to Mandy, my oldest and dearest pal from college. The time I have spent on the phone with her today timing her contractions inspired this post. And now I shall spend the rest of my day staring at my phone waiting for her next call while nervously pulling my arm hairs out and ignoring the hungry cries of my own children.
Just kidding. I'll feed my kids.
Happy Birthday little noodle. Please come today so Mandy doesn't have her own little anxiety attack, and I'll see you in the morning.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
my cape must be at the cleaners....
The kids were playing outside with Andy and I went out to the porch attached to our room, on the second floor. I was talking down to the boys in the yard.
Drew: "how you get up dere Mommy?"
Me: "I jumped! Like the superhero squad!"
Later, he came upstairs as I was walking back into the room through the door from the porch.
Me: (sheepish grin) "I'm sorry, Mommy lied to you. I didn't jump up to the porch, I walked through the door. I'm not a superhero."
Drew: "I know that Mommy. You're a girl."
Ouch. Guess I better start promoting women as equals a little harder! Don't want my boys growing up thinking I can't do everything Daddy can do.
But I draw the line at peeing while standing.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Let's get heavy for a minute, and no, I'm not quitting my diet.
Ever thought you would make a decision that could alter the course of a young person's life forever?
Probably not. But I'm sure if you found yourself in a position of that much responsibility you would probably want to spend a great deal of time sorting through all the facts in the case, digging into every detail you thought would help you to familiarize yourself with that person. I'm sure most of us wouldn't make any snap decisions without exhausting every resource available.
So let me give you the facts that I know about a particular scenario unfolding right here in my own little community.
Cole is an 18 year old high school senior. He is an honor student and an Eagle Scout. I do not know him or his family personally, but by all accounts, and there are many, his is a genuinely good and honest kid. And I know that to become an Eagle Scout, you have to be hard-working and committed.
Monday of this week, Cole drove himself to school. At some point that morning, he realized or noticed after he had reached school campus that he had left his shotgun in his truck after skeet shooting the day before. The gun was unloaded.
Cole made the decision to call his mother and tell her it was there, because he knew that there were severe consequences to having a weapon on school grounds.
The law states that anyone who 'knowingly and willingly' brings a weapon onto a school campus is subject to felony charges.
So Cole did not actually willingly and knowingly bring it to school, but by the time he realized it was there he was already on campus. He made a very mature and responsible decision to call an adult, whom he trusted, and try to correct the action. He could have just left it there and went about his day, but in his mind he probably knew that the potential consequences of that decision could be awful. 1- someone might find it and use it to do harm or 2- someone might find it and report him.
Unfortunately, before his mother could take whatever action necessary, a school administrator overheard the conversation and called the police. CALLED THE POLICE.
So Cole was arrested.
It is important to include the fact that in situations such as this, it is at the discretion of school and school board officials to press criminal charges or not.
So just weeks from graduation, Cole has been expelled, will not graduate, and is facing felony charges.
Just like that. All of that happened between Monday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon.
It may also be important to note that 2 years ago, the assistant principal, new to the school, left a loaded gun in her glove box. She realized it was missing, asked the school officer to look for it. He found it in her glove box and returned it there. He then told her it was there. She did not take steps to immediately remove it from campus, nor did he advise her to. Even better (or worse), she turned her vehicle over to the auto mechanic students that afternoon to work on it, and of course they found the gun and passed it around. It is a very very lucky thing nobody was hurt.
She was then given three days paid suspension and no charges were brought against her.
So the community is in an uproar, because it's a small community. Everyone knows everyone. And the general consensus is that Cole is a good and honorable kid. And parents are fuming over the double standard that is being very publicly highlighted here.
Other teenagers have an opportunity to learn from Cole's mistake. What are they learning? That doing the right thing gets you in MAJOR trouble, so maybe they will do the wrong thing if they ever make the same human error he did.
We all forget things. We all leave things places they do not belong, with every intention of removing them and then we get busy and forget. To a kid who has grown up hunting and shooting his whole life, the gun is just like anything else a teenager would forget to put away.
But the school officials who found themselves in a position to make a very grave decision for Cole's future didn't even think it over a few days. They made a snap decision, a very rash one. Some folks think it's an over-reaction due to all the shootings in the press the last few years. Understandable to be uber-sensitive, but stop, breathe, and think rationally. This is the future of a good kid. With no record of misbehavior. With a lot of friends, and the respect of his church and his teachers.
Cole didn't brag to his friends that he had a gun in the truck. He didn't have a falling out with someone and threaten revenge on his facebook page. He immediately called his mother to report what happened, needing an adult to help him fix his mistake, wanting to do the right thing.
I see no need to bring politics into the argument, but this is the country. Everyone here has guns. Kids grow up learning to shoot things in their yards. Families are relatively quiet and don't cause much trouble. It's the transients in town who commit the crimes. But I know what the neighborhoods look like during an election year. Yards are covered in Republican signage. If I was a betting woman, I'd put money that nobody on this school board will be re-elected, for fear that the interest at heart is to strip people of their second amendment rights. It's kind of ridiculous, but that's how politics work. People over-react to every little thing. Cole's story isn't about politics, it's about doing the right thing. (which almost goes completely against the grain of politics these days.)
If you ever find yourself in a position to determine the fate of anyone, I beg you, please think very hard about your decision. If you pray, pray about it. Be reasonable and fair. Be cautious, but don't allow it to overtake your rationale.
I sincerely hope that someone will help Cole's family to right this wrong. I sincerely hope his family does not have to exhaust their finances to have his name cleared. People say "just hire a good lawyer", but that shouldn't be the answer at this point. That should be the answer if all the signs pointed to Cole being a dangerous kid and bringing that weapon on campus purposely and with malicious intent. You shouldn't have to hire a good lawyer just because you tried to do the right thing after you made a simple human error.
Probably not. But I'm sure if you found yourself in a position of that much responsibility you would probably want to spend a great deal of time sorting through all the facts in the case, digging into every detail you thought would help you to familiarize yourself with that person. I'm sure most of us wouldn't make any snap decisions without exhausting every resource available.
So let me give you the facts that I know about a particular scenario unfolding right here in my own little community.
Cole is an 18 year old high school senior. He is an honor student and an Eagle Scout. I do not know him or his family personally, but by all accounts, and there are many, his is a genuinely good and honest kid. And I know that to become an Eagle Scout, you have to be hard-working and committed.
Monday of this week, Cole drove himself to school. At some point that morning, he realized or noticed after he had reached school campus that he had left his shotgun in his truck after skeet shooting the day before. The gun was unloaded.
Cole made the decision to call his mother and tell her it was there, because he knew that there were severe consequences to having a weapon on school grounds.
The law states that anyone who 'knowingly and willingly' brings a weapon onto a school campus is subject to felony charges.
So Cole did not actually willingly and knowingly bring it to school, but by the time he realized it was there he was already on campus. He made a very mature and responsible decision to call an adult, whom he trusted, and try to correct the action. He could have just left it there and went about his day, but in his mind he probably knew that the potential consequences of that decision could be awful. 1- someone might find it and use it to do harm or 2- someone might find it and report him.
Unfortunately, before his mother could take whatever action necessary, a school administrator overheard the conversation and called the police. CALLED THE POLICE.
So Cole was arrested.
It is important to include the fact that in situations such as this, it is at the discretion of school and school board officials to press criminal charges or not.
So just weeks from graduation, Cole has been expelled, will not graduate, and is facing felony charges.
Just like that. All of that happened between Monday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon.
It may also be important to note that 2 years ago, the assistant principal, new to the school, left a loaded gun in her glove box. She realized it was missing, asked the school officer to look for it. He found it in her glove box and returned it there. He then told her it was there. She did not take steps to immediately remove it from campus, nor did he advise her to. Even better (or worse), she turned her vehicle over to the auto mechanic students that afternoon to work on it, and of course they found the gun and passed it around. It is a very very lucky thing nobody was hurt.
She was then given three days paid suspension and no charges were brought against her.
So the community is in an uproar, because it's a small community. Everyone knows everyone. And the general consensus is that Cole is a good and honorable kid. And parents are fuming over the double standard that is being very publicly highlighted here.
Other teenagers have an opportunity to learn from Cole's mistake. What are they learning? That doing the right thing gets you in MAJOR trouble, so maybe they will do the wrong thing if they ever make the same human error he did.
We all forget things. We all leave things places they do not belong, with every intention of removing them and then we get busy and forget. To a kid who has grown up hunting and shooting his whole life, the gun is just like anything else a teenager would forget to put away.
But the school officials who found themselves in a position to make a very grave decision for Cole's future didn't even think it over a few days. They made a snap decision, a very rash one. Some folks think it's an over-reaction due to all the shootings in the press the last few years. Understandable to be uber-sensitive, but stop, breathe, and think rationally. This is the future of a good kid. With no record of misbehavior. With a lot of friends, and the respect of his church and his teachers.
Cole didn't brag to his friends that he had a gun in the truck. He didn't have a falling out with someone and threaten revenge on his facebook page. He immediately called his mother to report what happened, needing an adult to help him fix his mistake, wanting to do the right thing.
I see no need to bring politics into the argument, but this is the country. Everyone here has guns. Kids grow up learning to shoot things in their yards. Families are relatively quiet and don't cause much trouble. It's the transients in town who commit the crimes. But I know what the neighborhoods look like during an election year. Yards are covered in Republican signage. If I was a betting woman, I'd put money that nobody on this school board will be re-elected, for fear that the interest at heart is to strip people of their second amendment rights. It's kind of ridiculous, but that's how politics work. People over-react to every little thing. Cole's story isn't about politics, it's about doing the right thing. (which almost goes completely against the grain of politics these days.)
If you ever find yourself in a position to determine the fate of anyone, I beg you, please think very hard about your decision. If you pray, pray about it. Be reasonable and fair. Be cautious, but don't allow it to overtake your rationale.
I sincerely hope that someone will help Cole's family to right this wrong. I sincerely hope his family does not have to exhaust their finances to have his name cleared. People say "just hire a good lawyer", but that shouldn't be the answer at this point. That should be the answer if all the signs pointed to Cole being a dangerous kid and bringing that weapon on campus purposely and with malicious intent. You shouldn't have to hire a good lawyer just because you tried to do the right thing after you made a simple human error.
To the hash brown fairy....
Thank you for being you. I don't know how you just knew what I would need today, but you never fail to come through.
You see, I am dieting. I shouldn't be eating fast food, but my little boy asked for a biscuit, so I swung by Hardee's and got him a whole meal since he loves hash browns and I wanted coffee anyway.
It was a bad idea. The car immediately filled with the sweet aroma of egg biscuit mixing with fried oil that signals the presence of those warm crispy potato treats. I instantly began salivating.
"Control yourself!" barked a miniature Jillian Michaels on my left shoulder, mindful of the fact that this slip-up could result in recording 71,800 calories in my Lose It! app. "Eating these hash browns is not going to fix it. It's not going to change the fact that you made it all the way through childhood without ever going to Disneyworld."
Gasping for air, rolling the window further down to flood my senses and drown out the beckoning scent of fried seduction, my conscience reminded me calmly that the hash browns were for Brady. A good mother doesn't indian-give delicious treats to her sweet boy.
"He's just a kid. He won't notice if you eat most of them. And even if he does, who's he gonna tell?" snorted a miniature Andy Richter on my right shoulder.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head quickly, trying to blink out the images and the smell. My God, the smell.
I pull slowly into traffic, all the while keeping one eye on Brady in the mirror, who is slowly and deliberately bringing each individual delectable bite of potato goodness to his mouth and smiling at me just as he pops them in, an evil glint in his eyes.
Something snaps deep inside the tangled web of gooey brain mass in my skull. I lose all sanity and reach behind me to snatch the box from his lap.
NOOOOO! Empty! How could that little stinker eat them all? Without even OFFERING any to his sweet mommy? What kind of little terrorist am I raising? Where did I go wrong?
Furious, I snatch the bag from the passenger seat to slam the empty carton into it.
Tha-thunk.
I pause with the bag in mid-air, a cheshire cat grin slowly stretching across my face at the realization of the source of that thump.
The hash brown fairy did it again. He/she left two golden, glistening hash browns in the bottom of the bag, all for me.
And they. were. delicious.
You see, I am dieting. I shouldn't be eating fast food, but my little boy asked for a biscuit, so I swung by Hardee's and got him a whole meal since he loves hash browns and I wanted coffee anyway.
It was a bad idea. The car immediately filled with the sweet aroma of egg biscuit mixing with fried oil that signals the presence of those warm crispy potato treats. I instantly began salivating.
"Control yourself!" barked a miniature Jillian Michaels on my left shoulder, mindful of the fact that this slip-up could result in recording 71,800 calories in my Lose It! app. "Eating these hash browns is not going to fix it. It's not going to change the fact that you made it all the way through childhood without ever going to Disneyworld."
Gasping for air, rolling the window further down to flood my senses and drown out the beckoning scent of fried seduction, my conscience reminded me calmly that the hash browns were for Brady. A good mother doesn't indian-give delicious treats to her sweet boy.
"He's just a kid. He won't notice if you eat most of them. And even if he does, who's he gonna tell?" snorted a miniature Andy Richter on my right shoulder.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head quickly, trying to blink out the images and the smell. My God, the smell.
I pull slowly into traffic, all the while keeping one eye on Brady in the mirror, who is slowly and deliberately bringing each individual delectable bite of potato goodness to his mouth and smiling at me just as he pops them in, an evil glint in his eyes.
Something snaps deep inside the tangled web of gooey brain mass in my skull. I lose all sanity and reach behind me to snatch the box from his lap.
NOOOOO! Empty! How could that little stinker eat them all? Without even OFFERING any to his sweet mommy? What kind of little terrorist am I raising? Where did I go wrong?
Furious, I snatch the bag from the passenger seat to slam the empty carton into it.
Tha-thunk.
I pause with the bag in mid-air, a cheshire cat grin slowly stretching across my face at the realization of the source of that thump.
The hash brown fairy did it again. He/she left two golden, glistening hash browns in the bottom of the bag, all for me.
And they. were. delicious.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
things I claim I can't wait for my toddler to grow out of but really I'll totally miss them....
Any guesses as to when I can stop carrying my kid straight upstairs and depositing him into the tub on red sauce meal nights?
Also, when do they learn volume control? I'd like to know there's a lighter shade of bloodied gauze for my eardrums in the near future. If it's not in sight, I may just rip them out myself to finish the job.
Meet Poppy Jane
Poppy is the final installment to the Webster trilogy. She is in for it. These two maniac older brother of hers, well, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for her, she will learn to fend for herself with them.
When I learned I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I just knew it was a girl. I immediately began thinking of girl names. I begged Andy to let us be surprised, to not find out the sex. He wasn't thrilled but he agreed, mainly since I wanted to be surprised with Brady too and he refused to allow it. Couldn't wait, said "next time". Oh, you ate those words didn't you mister.
Poppy was a touch rougher on me during pregnancy than the boys. And by a touch, I mean 2 hospitalizations ending in an early arrival via busting her way through and rupturing my uterus. And by rupturing I mean shredding. Poppy made good and sure she would forever by the baby. But we were planning on permanent birth control after our third anyway.
So Poppy had kind of a close call there in the beginning. She was due on Christmas Day but she made her debut on November 20. No biggie--she spent 10 days in the NICU and is a champ now. I did not hold her until she was 3 days old, so that really blew, but now I hold her all the time so we're good.
Poppy is a very happy baby, she really only cries if she believes she's not been held enough in the day and if she's stucking farving. Which can kind of sneak up on her, clearly, because she's just a baby.
I had no idea how much I wanted or needed this little girl until Dr. Strickland, after he recovered from gasping over and gawking at the ruins of my womb, which didn't freak me out at all (lies), said "It's a girl."
Life's not a potty.
Nobody I know wore a diaper to graduation.
That's what I've been reminding myself as reassurance that Drew will eventually be potty trained. I'm trying not to push him, he will likely refuse even more under too much pressure. Because refusing is what he already does 80% of the time.
People have all sorts of helpful ideas. But they make me wonder if they think I'm Gumpish.
We offer the potty on a schedule, and about 15 minutes after every meal, snack, and water sippy, when we know Drew is about to need to go.
We have fun colorful potty seat covers in Drew's favorite characters. In all 3 bathrooms.
We have 'potty prizes', and we make a huge deal out of both attempts and successes.
We have tried to entice with other privileges.
No, the learning center will not allow us to put him in big boy undies when he only tries to go potty once a week because they do not have time to manage 18 2-3 year olds and change my kids clothes and clean up his pee 6 times a day. Why is this such a difficult concept for some people to grasp? A stranger LITERALLY argued with me on this yesterday, asserting that they WILL do it if I, as his mother, TELL them to. She doesn't even live around here, has never heard of our learning center. Brilliant.
Drew showed a lot more interest when he first turned 2 than he does now. The learning center really started pushing him a month before he turned 3 because he has to be trained to move on to the 3 year old class. But he has regressed and has zero interest.
I'm growing concerned, he is the oldest in his class now and most of his pals have moved up. The last handful will be gone this summer. Now he is surrounded by 2 year olds in diapers. No wonder he shows no interest.
But I'm hoping he won't feel isolated when his best pals are gone. It may prompt him to go potty or it may just make him feel shame.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
shameless
I had a doc appointment an hour away today. Betsy decided to drive me down so she could hit up Starbucks and Panera Bread (we have neither in the booming megalopolis population 15,000 we call home).
Of course we know this is a bad idea since we are trying to lose 40 lbs each. But hey, it's a rare treat.
Andy always says 'If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly bear". So I was. I blew almost my entire daily caloric intake on the Mac n Cheese. Seriously. 980 calories. I mowed down that shit like I knew the apocalypse was coming.
Betsy chose a wiser pasta side to go with her half sandwich, but they forgot to include the snazzy plastic-ware for her to eat it with. I was supposed to give her mine when I was done but I was so caught up in gooey cheesy bliss she couldn't wait. Literally, I was scraping the sauce from the sides of my carton.
So she ate hers with her hands. And it didn't even cross my mind that there was anything wrong with that.
Of course we know this is a bad idea since we are trying to lose 40 lbs each. But hey, it's a rare treat.
Andy always says 'If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly bear". So I was. I blew almost my entire daily caloric intake on the Mac n Cheese. Seriously. 980 calories. I mowed down that shit like I knew the apocalypse was coming.
Betsy chose a wiser pasta side to go with her half sandwich, but they forgot to include the snazzy plastic-ware for her to eat it with. I was supposed to give her mine when I was done but I was so caught up in gooey cheesy bliss she couldn't wait. Literally, I was scraping the sauce from the sides of my carton.
So she ate hers with her hands. And it didn't even cross my mind that there was anything wrong with that.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Meet Brady
Ah, Brady. Our little feral child. Andy is convinced we could release him into the wild and he would survive on his own. I'm convinced there is truth to that and this is why he always quickly bonds with animals.
This kid has tons of personality, the sweetest little face with big round blue eyes and wild tangled rats nest hair no matter how short we cut it.
Brady got a bit of a raw deal. He was born when Drew was just 13 months old, just walking. You know how they say women are super fertile after they have a baby? It's true. I was on low dose birth control and Brady was conceived the VERY FIRST TIME Andy and I 'knocked boots' (heehee that saying is so crude but it just cracks me up) after Drew was born. But he has not suffered any horrendous fate. In fact, he's just the kid to handle such a careful balance of attention.
Brady is a much moodier kid than Drew was when he was 2. He turned 2 this month and since about 18 months he has been screaming like a banshee any time someone hugs him, takes a toy from him, gives a toy to him, or does not pick him up when the thought crosses HIS mind, never mind whether he has asked or gestured for someone to do so.
But in the last 2 months he has become extremely affectionate, where he was not from about 16-22 months. Not at all. Now he just comes over and snuggles occasionally throughout the day. And boy oh boy does he LOVE that little sister we just gave him. And he has always adored his big brother.
Everyone who meets this little guy is just head over heels for him.
Bradyisms: Where Grew? Where Daddy? Where Grew? Where Daddy? A WOBOT! A PUPPY! Where Grew? Where Daddy? A wobot, momma! A wobot!
Raising little helpers
What's this? A Dyson vaccuum? Geez my kids have nicer equipment than I do.
So Drew has always LOVED to play with brooms, sweepers, and vaccuums everywhere we go, since before he could even walk. I'm pretty sure when he meets the president someday and he asks "what do you want to be when you grow up little boy?" Drew will reply "a school custodian!". And that's perfectly fine with me.
Granted, the kid isn't all that interested in 'cleaning' or even picking up his toys (watch the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan to know what it's like here when I ask him to do that) but a girl can dream that if she supplies him with all the right tools, he will learn to love it. (read: get really good at it)
Now to buy him a shop vac to suck up all the sand that I dumped in the sunroom for the kids to play with during Brady's birthday party. Over a week ago. That is still there, just not so much in a nice pile on the drop cloth in the sunroom. More like spread out across the entire room and into the kitchen and den.
Anything for the kids, right? Even if it means my right eyeball pulses and tries to lurch out of its socket every time I step on sand.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
a moment on the lips...
a lifetime on the hips. Ugh. I really hate that saying. Now that I am in my thirties (well into them) and have had 3 kids, that stupid saying rings so true to me.
But never fear! Betsy and I have started using the app Lose It! this weekend. I have an IPhone and she has a Droid. There are tons of apps like it but I like the layout of this particular one the best. You can scan your grocery items when you are preparing a meal and all of the nutrition info gets stored so I can track what I eat. It calculated how many calories I need to eat to meet my particular goal.
We can also track all of our walks and nursing and any other form of exercise.
This thing is great--I have to see the damage I've done all day every time I log anything, which is constantly throughout the day so it really holds me accountable. Or prisoner. Whichever word works for you.
Best part? You can add friends (they cannot see your weight, just your loss goal) so that they can motivate you with uplifting messages (get off the couch, fatty! drop the m&m's, chunkster!).
So my goal is to lose 42 pounds by October. Wish me luck!
By the way, I hate "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips". I much prefer "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" even though it's a freakin lie. Even skinny bitches will whoop up on some cheesecake now and then without a thought to how fatty it is.
Clutching her heart and making a sign of the cross....
I mentioned before that a lot of parenting blogs are wartorn, covered in bloodshed from wounds cast by egomaniacal narrowminded parents who think their way of raising kids is the only way to raise a kid.
First, I feel sorry for people who have time to argue with strangers on the interwebs.
Wait, on second thought, maybe I envy them for having that much spare time.
Second, they really need to just get over themselves.
There's a new post over on Baby Sideburns wherein the author calls her kids 'little douchebags'. She often refers to them with names such as this in jest and it often starts a whole new war on how awful parents must be to call their kids names.
You show me a parent who has never once thought their toddler was a psychotic maniac at times and I'll show you a liar.
But it's all in good fun, she obviously loves her children but is not afraid to be honest and offer a little comic relief to those of us who understand the frustrations that go with parenting. Especially parenting toddlers.
So I say if this kind of talk offends your sensibilities #1 lighten up and #2 unsubscribe from any blogs authored by parents with a similar (refreshing) sense of humor and honesty.
First, I feel sorry for people who have time to argue with strangers on the interwebs.
Wait, on second thought, maybe I envy them for having that much spare time.
Second, they really need to just get over themselves.
There's a new post over on Baby Sideburns wherein the author calls her kids 'little douchebags'. She often refers to them with names such as this in jest and it often starts a whole new war on how awful parents must be to call their kids names.
You show me a parent who has never once thought their toddler was a psychotic maniac at times and I'll show you a liar.
But it's all in good fun, she obviously loves her children but is not afraid to be honest and offer a little comic relief to those of us who understand the frustrations that go with parenting. Especially parenting toddlers.
So I say if this kind of talk offends your sensibilities #1 lighten up and #2 unsubscribe from any blogs authored by parents with a similar (refreshing) sense of humor and honesty.
Crackers and Air
I have so far successfully kept Drew and Brady alive for 3 and 2 years, respectively. Until very recently, they subsisted mostly on crackers and air. I know that I am not alone in this--other mommies are with me on the ease of throwing some goldfish in a snack trap to take in the stroller. Or in the diaper bag to have at a waiting room. Or in a car. Or at a park. I think you follow me here so I'll stop revealing how horribly I fed my kids. Anyway I hated meal times because I would cook and cook all these lovely well-rounded meals and they wouldn't get touched.
Drew decided around 18 months that he no longer enjoyed green foods (read: hated all things that grow in the ground, on trees, on vines, or on farms.) Brady being so close in age to Drew and learning to eat solids around this same time began mimicking his refusals. I could only ever get them to eat Gerber purees and not a wholesome variety of those. Oh and Brady would eat a banana every day for 2 weeks before growing sick of them and taking a week off.
I am so jealous of my friends whose kids love snacking on fruits and/or veggies. Or just a fruit and/or a veggie. I would take anything over the Gerber purees. Betsy's daughter eats plates and plates of raw veggies. We were preparing crock pot meals and I was chopping a red onion and she tried to steal a chunk of that from the counter. Yuck, but whatever floats your boat, kid. Better than nothing but mac'n cheese.
So I finally got fed up with the boys' refusal to eat wholesome meals and I stopped buying crackers of any kind. We never buy chips or cookies (except animal crackers) so I really didn't make any sacrifices there.
What ensued was a battle of wills. An epic battle. Wars were waged. Food was thrown. There may have been some swearing. There was definitely some screaming. But never mind my behavior. The boys were forced to sit in their high chairs with only fruits to eat until they caved. They were not given snacks. They were only fed fruits and once they ate those I would give them cereal or a sandwich, whatever was appropriate.
So after a week of this, continuing on the no-snack trend, my kids finally got hungry enough to eat fruit without me forcing them.
Were they starving? Nah. Probably not. And even if they were, they aren't anymore.
I won this battle, but I haven't won the war. Every day is a fight for control and I have yet to begin the down and dirty vegetable boot camp.
Drew decided around 18 months that he no longer enjoyed green foods (read: hated all things that grow in the ground, on trees, on vines, or on farms.) Brady being so close in age to Drew and learning to eat solids around this same time began mimicking his refusals. I could only ever get them to eat Gerber purees and not a wholesome variety of those. Oh and Brady would eat a banana every day for 2 weeks before growing sick of them and taking a week off.
I am so jealous of my friends whose kids love snacking on fruits and/or veggies. Or just a fruit and/or a veggie. I would take anything over the Gerber purees. Betsy's daughter eats plates and plates of raw veggies. We were preparing crock pot meals and I was chopping a red onion and she tried to steal a chunk of that from the counter. Yuck, but whatever floats your boat, kid. Better than nothing but mac'n cheese.
So I finally got fed up with the boys' refusal to eat wholesome meals and I stopped buying crackers of any kind. We never buy chips or cookies (except animal crackers) so I really didn't make any sacrifices there.
What ensued was a battle of wills. An epic battle. Wars were waged. Food was thrown. There may have been some swearing. There was definitely some screaming. But never mind my behavior. The boys were forced to sit in their high chairs with only fruits to eat until they caved. They were not given snacks. They were only fed fruits and once they ate those I would give them cereal or a sandwich, whatever was appropriate.
So after a week of this, continuing on the no-snack trend, my kids finally got hungry enough to eat fruit without me forcing them.
Were they starving? Nah. Probably not. And even if they were, they aren't anymore.
I won this battle, but I haven't won the war. Every day is a fight for control and I have yet to begin the down and dirty vegetable boot camp.
Meet Drew
Drew is my first born. He just turned 3 in March, and I swear to the Almighty God in Heaven he has not stopped crying at the drop of a hat since the moment he blew out his candles. Is this a three year old thing? I hope to heaven it ends soon. It's painfully annoying, and I truly hate to feel "annoyed" by my kids.
On the flip side, the kid is the most huggable, lovable thing since Care Bears. He always tells me he likes my pretty dress (when I'm wearing a bathrobe) or my pretty shirt (when I'm wearing a worn out old nursing shirt). He just has this way of making everyone around him feel awesome. I really like this kid.
Most recent awesome quote......
Me: (singing) "Mommy needs COOOOFFFFeeeeeee!!!"
Drew: (singing a precise mimic of my tone) "Drew needs CHOOOOCCCCCClaaaaaaaaate!"
And the kid really does. Poor thing, Andy and I never give the kids candy except the 'candy' holidays.
On the flip side, the kid is the most huggable, lovable thing since Care Bears. He always tells me he likes my pretty dress (when I'm wearing a bathrobe) or my pretty shirt (when I'm wearing a worn out old nursing shirt). He just has this way of making everyone around him feel awesome. I really like this kid.
Most recent awesome quote......
Me: (singing) "Mommy needs COOOOFFFFeeeeeee!!!"
Drew: (singing a precise mimic of my tone) "Drew needs CHOOOOCCCCCClaaaaaaaaate!"
And the kid really does. Poor thing, Andy and I never give the kids candy except the 'candy' holidays.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Coupon craze doesn't have to be crazy...
Scaling down to a single income household definitely meant we would be making sacrifices. It has not always been easy, but it is a lot easier than I thought it would be. We definitely don't go out on enough date nights, mostly because hiring a babysitter for 3 kids would leave us about enough money to pick up a dollar menu item at Mickey D's and cruise the 2 mile strand of Smithfield for about 30 minutes. Because more than that would use too much of the diamond laced fuel that our gas hogs like to burn.
But as long as I'm being honest, 3 kids leaves us zero energy most nights. We get a kick out of sitting on the porch off our bedroom and people watching, finding awful Zombie movies on Netflix, and looking up funny videos on YouTube when we dont have the means or the energy for a date night.
I am what my father-in-law calls 'cheap'. His more gentle-mannered wife calls me 'frugal'. I taught Andy early on that sometimes the store brand tastes the same as the name brand. Now Andy is cheaper than me--he recently picked up Food Lion brand 'doritos' instead of the real deal to take to a cookout at his sister's home. Those do NOT taste the same.
I've never subscribed to a newspaper since I get my news online normally so I've never been a coupon clipper. And seeing one or two eps of Extreme Couponers further turned me off. Who has the time for all that? Or the pantry space, for that matter.
But my new good mommy friend Betsy, who happens to have just moved a half block away, has inspired me to look for deals using the abundant resources on the web. There are many blogs that put together weekly deals from the major chains. They make it so simple--you can even select the deals you like, print some coupons linked right there, and print your shopping list. Our favorite is SouthernSavers.com.
If you have never tried it, just check out the site. I have already saved a ton of money on diapers, household necessities like tp, paper towels, and dish soap, and most recently I experienced the euphoria of major grocery savings in Harris Teeter during Triple Coupon Week. Better than drugs, or so I would imagine.
Don't be intimidated. Start small, like I did. So here's my first bit of awesome advice if you just want to test the waters:
CVS: if you have not signed up for the Extra Care card, do it right now. Below is a deal I have done 3 times in the 5 weeks or so since I took Betsy's deal hunting advice.
Diaper Deal: Spend $30 on Huggies diapers and get $10 extracare bucks back.
Jumbo Packs are $10 each on sale right now. Wipes are $5.99 on sale right now.
I bought 3 packs of diapers and 2 bags of wipes refills, with tax it was just over $42.
I used $10 extracare bucks I earned on another deal last week.
I used a $1 and $1.50 Huggies coupon from last Sunday's paper.
I also used a $2 Huggies coupon I found in a case I bought at Target last week.
My total was then just under $30, but you get the Extracare bucks based on the retail total, they do not punish you for using coupons.
I received my $10 extracare bucks to use the next time I shop PLUS there is a $10 mail in rebate on the Kimberly Clark website if you spend $35 on Huggies products, so I'll get that too.
It feels good to be able to save so much money on the things I have to buy all the time anyway, so I hope someone will read this who was unaware of this deal and be on the lookout for future deals. Drugstore deals turn around on Sundays, but this is the 3rd time CVS has had this Huggies deal in the past 2 months. If you know someone who needs diapers, share this with them. And check Southern Savers every week for deals in your stores.
But as long as I'm being honest, 3 kids leaves us zero energy most nights. We get a kick out of sitting on the porch off our bedroom and people watching, finding awful Zombie movies on Netflix, and looking up funny videos on YouTube when we dont have the means or the energy for a date night.
I am what my father-in-law calls 'cheap'. His more gentle-mannered wife calls me 'frugal'. I taught Andy early on that sometimes the store brand tastes the same as the name brand. Now Andy is cheaper than me--he recently picked up Food Lion brand 'doritos' instead of the real deal to take to a cookout at his sister's home. Those do NOT taste the same.
I've never subscribed to a newspaper since I get my news online normally so I've never been a coupon clipper. And seeing one or two eps of Extreme Couponers further turned me off. Who has the time for all that? Or the pantry space, for that matter.
But my new good mommy friend Betsy, who happens to have just moved a half block away, has inspired me to look for deals using the abundant resources on the web. There are many blogs that put together weekly deals from the major chains. They make it so simple--you can even select the deals you like, print some coupons linked right there, and print your shopping list. Our favorite is SouthernSavers.com.
If you have never tried it, just check out the site. I have already saved a ton of money on diapers, household necessities like tp, paper towels, and dish soap, and most recently I experienced the euphoria of major grocery savings in Harris Teeter during Triple Coupon Week. Better than drugs, or so I would imagine.
Don't be intimidated. Start small, like I did. So here's my first bit of awesome advice if you just want to test the waters:
CVS: if you have not signed up for the Extra Care card, do it right now. Below is a deal I have done 3 times in the 5 weeks or so since I took Betsy's deal hunting advice.
Diaper Deal: Spend $30 on Huggies diapers and get $10 extracare bucks back.
Jumbo Packs are $10 each on sale right now. Wipes are $5.99 on sale right now.
I bought 3 packs of diapers and 2 bags of wipes refills, with tax it was just over $42.
I used $10 extracare bucks I earned on another deal last week.
I used a $1 and $1.50 Huggies coupon from last Sunday's paper.
I also used a $2 Huggies coupon I found in a case I bought at Target last week.
My total was then just under $30, but you get the Extracare bucks based on the retail total, they do not punish you for using coupons.
I received my $10 extracare bucks to use the next time I shop PLUS there is a $10 mail in rebate on the Kimberly Clark website if you spend $35 on Huggies products, so I'll get that too.
It feels good to be able to save so much money on the things I have to buy all the time anyway, so I hope someone will read this who was unaware of this deal and be on the lookout for future deals. Drugstore deals turn around on Sundays, but this is the 3rd time CVS has had this Huggies deal in the past 2 months. If you know someone who needs diapers, share this with them. And check Southern Savers every week for deals in your stores.
Multitasking Mommy
I started a blog over a year ago just to keep track of my little projects and things I was able to do once I quit working and came home. I never shared it, I didn't really write it for anyone else's entertainment. I quit blogging when I became pregnant with my third child because I just wanted to sop up every remaining moment with just my two boys.
Since then I have been following a number of parenting blogs because most of the time I gain real knowledge and challenge my mind with the discussions I encounter. Of course, I have also witnessed more than my fair share of the so-called 'mommy wars' and was initially really disturbed by them. But now, I have desensitized myself to them.
The way I see it, we parents are in this thing together. We don't have to do everything the same way; there is no single prescribed method of raising children and developing a strong family and turning our wee ones into good solid citizens. We each have to do what feels right for our own families. So I really don't read the bull-headed posts from the narrow-minded folks who name call and criticize parents who do things different from them. They will always speak their mind but I probably will not justify their behavior with a response. But I will always read what they have to say because sometimes even if the delivery sucks (we're all guilty at times) something might just broaden my own perspective.
As I was saying, I would love to be able to share some of my thoughts and experiences as a parent from my perspective. I find my mommy and daddy friends to be a bountiful resource and learn new ideas every day and it would make me feel awesome if someone, anyone, found something I had to say useful. Yes, Isometimes frequently do need to feel validated.
So let me see if I can briefly summarize who I am. I grew up in Savannah GA, left for NC to attend college and graduate school at East Carolina University, and have made my permanent home in a tiny little town called Smithfield North Carolina. I will always prefer the south, it is home. Southerners are generally friendly and relaxed and it does me wonders to be surrounded by people far less uptight than I. My husband Andy is the funniest guy I know, and he was immediately the most amazing and involved father I have ever known, from the moment our first son Drew arrived. Now we have Drew (3), Brady (2) and Poppy Jane (5 months). I take care of the children and our home, Andy commutes to Durham to be a network geek during the day, and the kids try their damndest to see just how many times I will wipe down the kitchen counter and pick up toys in any 2 hour window. One of the greatest things that has happened to me since we made our home in Smithfield is that through Drew's Early Learning Center, I have met some of the most incredible families, most of whom live right here in my neighborhood (yes, Smithfield is that small) and I now find myself immersed in this comfy little window of my life consumed with playdates, mommy nights, and family get-togethers.
And I love every minute of it.
Since then I have been following a number of parenting blogs because most of the time I gain real knowledge and challenge my mind with the discussions I encounter. Of course, I have also witnessed more than my fair share of the so-called 'mommy wars' and was initially really disturbed by them. But now, I have desensitized myself to them.
The way I see it, we parents are in this thing together. We don't have to do everything the same way; there is no single prescribed method of raising children and developing a strong family and turning our wee ones into good solid citizens. We each have to do what feels right for our own families. So I really don't read the bull-headed posts from the narrow-minded folks who name call and criticize parents who do things different from them. They will always speak their mind but I probably will not justify their behavior with a response. But I will always read what they have to say because sometimes even if the delivery sucks (we're all guilty at times) something might just broaden my own perspective.
As I was saying, I would love to be able to share some of my thoughts and experiences as a parent from my perspective. I find my mommy and daddy friends to be a bountiful resource and learn new ideas every day and it would make me feel awesome if someone, anyone, found something I had to say useful. Yes, I
So let me see if I can briefly summarize who I am. I grew up in Savannah GA, left for NC to attend college and graduate school at East Carolina University, and have made my permanent home in a tiny little town called Smithfield North Carolina. I will always prefer the south, it is home. Southerners are generally friendly and relaxed and it does me wonders to be surrounded by people far less uptight than I. My husband Andy is the funniest guy I know, and he was immediately the most amazing and involved father I have ever known, from the moment our first son Drew arrived. Now we have Drew (3), Brady (2) and Poppy Jane (5 months). I take care of the children and our home, Andy commutes to Durham to be a network geek during the day, and the kids try their damndest to see just how many times I will wipe down the kitchen counter and pick up toys in any 2 hour window. One of the greatest things that has happened to me since we made our home in Smithfield is that through Drew's Early Learning Center, I have met some of the most incredible families, most of whom live right here in my neighborhood (yes, Smithfield is that small) and I now find myself immersed in this comfy little window of my life consumed with playdates, mommy nights, and family get-togethers.
And I love every minute of it.
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